When Veganism Isn’t About Diet – It’s a Conversation Worth Having

I recently had an exchange on LinkedIn that stopped me in my tracks — not because it was hostile, but because it was so genuinely well-intentioned, and yet revealed something I see again and again.

John reached out to let me know he didn’t think we were a match to connect on LinkedIn. He’d been vegetarian for sixteen years, reversed his Type 2 diabetes going keto, and now ate meat consciously — praying for the animals, thanking them for their contribution, honouring his body’s requirements.

He was thoughtful and sincere and from his reply, I realised, of course, that he had completely misunderstood what being vegan means.

I don’t say that critically. Most people do.

The Misunderstanding That Keeps Repeating

When John said that we weren’t a match because he wasn’t vegan, he was referring to what he eats. As we know, that’s the public story of veganism — a plant-based diet, a lifestyle choice, a health decision. It’s the version that appears on restaurant menus and fitness blogs.

But veganism isn’t of course a diet.

It’s a philosophy of loving kindness — towards ourselves, other people, all animals, and the ecosystems we share. What a vegan chooses not to eat is simply a consequence of not wanting to participate in harm. The diet follows the ethics. It’s never the other way around.

Most people, including many who would describe themselves as deeply compassionate, have never encountered this distinction. That’s not their fault. The animal agriculture industry has spent billions ensuring that what happens behind closed doors stays there — using language like “humane slaughter” and images of contented cows on green pastures to keep the reality invisible.

The Spiritual Argument

What moved me most about John’s message was his spiritual framing. He said that he practices and teaches meta meditation. He said that he prays for the animals he eats and thanks them for their sacrifice. He wishes it were otherwise, but believes his body requires it to survive and do his work in the world.

Whilst feeling a strong reaction inside of me, I also understand this position. Although I didn’t consciously do it, my pre-vegan behaviour perhaps held versions of it myself during thirty years as a vegetarian. I honestly believed I was doing my part. After all, I cared about animals and spoke out against cruelty when I saw it. I simply didn’t know — truly didn’t know — what was happening in the dairy or egg industry, or that my choices were still financing cruelty..

The information was hidden from me as it is for John and this is not by accident, it’s by design.

I finally watchedEarthlings, Crimes of Silence, Dairy is Scarey and Meet Your Meat with my partner after we returned to Australia after living in New Zealand. We couldn’t unsee what we saw. On the spot, we understood that our participation in animal agriculture — however unconscious, however well-intentioned — was incompatible with the values we already held.

That’s the moment I wanted to offer John. Not judgment. An invitation.

What I Said

I wrote back honestly. I told him that to be in integrity with a spiritual path, if we consume the flesh and secretions of animals, finance the separation of calves from their mothers, the cutting of tails and beaks and teeth without pain relief, the confinement and suffering that is the daily reality of animal agriculture, including organic and free-range — then the least we can do is truly discover what we are participating in. (Note that I deliberately mentioned these practices in an attempt to reach him emotionally).

I shared two documentaries: Dominion (Australian) and Earthlings (USA, narrated by Joaquin Phoenix) and encouraged him to watch them and become informed.

I told him I had been vegetarian for thirty years and wished someone had told me sooner. I hoped I could be that voice for him — the one I wished I’d had all those years ago.

Why This Conversation Matters

I share this exchange not to embarrass or judge John. After all, he was gracious and sincere throughout, but “because it illustrates something I encounter constantly in my work with vegans and animal advocates.

The people we most want to reach are often not hostile. They are compassionate, spiritually aware and genuinely trying to live with integrity. They simply haven’t been shown the full picture.

And when we approach them with judgment, with facts delivered as weapons, with an urgency that reads as accusation — we lose them. Their defences rise. The conversation closes.

But when we approach them as John approached me — openly, respectfully — and we respond in kind, something different becomes possible. We can offer an invitation to expand. We can speak as someone who was once exactly where they are. We can say: “I know. I was there. Here’s what I found when I looked”.

That’s not a debate. That’s a seed.

I’ve held over 5000 hours of one-to-one sessions with vegans around the world, and I’ve seen this pattern hold: the conversations that create lasting change are rarely the ones where someone is argued into a corner. They’re the ones where someone feels genuinely seen — and then gently shown a door they hadn’t noticed before.

John may watch those documentaries. He may not. I don’t know where he is on his continuum of awareness. But the seed is planted. And that’s enough for now.

If you’re a vegan who finds these conversations exhausting, isolating, or simply ineffective — you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. The skills that turn vystopia into influence are learnable. If you’re not currently part of the my Vystopia Transformation Journey and ready to explore what that looks like, book a call and let’s talk. https://veganpsychologist.com/conversation